It is with a heavy heart that I admit my burdens on this forum and submit to anyone's advice. My boyfriend of five years has recently become addicted to heroine and has been dependent upon it for the last 6 months. I, too, was weak a succumbed to to heroin addiction but I have been clean and sober for almost two months. My sobreity was easy because of my own determination. However, I fear my boyfriend has been sucked too far in and despite repeated attempts to stop, he is still using. The worst part is that he is still in denial about his addiction. It really hurts my feelings that I am suppose to be the one person he can trust (and have even been sitting right next to him getting high) and all he can do is lie about his using. His lying is so bad that I will even find the needle and spoon in his own pants pockets and he will still say, "I haven't been shootin'! Insert excuse here." Only when I purposely walk in on him shooting himself up in the bathroom will he admit that he still hasn't gotten clean.

I've tried everything. From bearing my soul and telling him I'll help him with whatever it takes to get him clean, to skillfully finding his dope and contraband and holding it hostage. Nothing seems to work. I've researched hundreds of substance abuse clinics in my state and all of them require some sort of money, whether it be self-payment or insurance. He has no health insurance and his dope habit eats away every penny that he makes. I've even spent my entire paycheck on buying him suboxan (sp?) which is suppose to be safer and less addictive than methadone. I just don't forsee methadone being the right road for him to take because of his own addiction history. Not to mention, we have several friends who have tried and failed on methadone treatments. So what do you do when you cannot afford the rehabilitation process? He needs inpatient services and detox to get clean. Outpatient hasn't done a thing for him. He swears he wants to quit for himself, his son, me and his family but I feel he only says that to get us off his back.

If anyone can offer any alternative motives of getting clean, please reply. He drives while he's high and just got into a car accident the other day that could have been a lot worse than what it was. And I just couldn't live with myself if the next time I walked into the bathroom to confront him and he's lying on the floor ...