As any followers of this blog may have heard, MTV is not paying us...or anyone for that matter. It's almost funny because last year when I was trying to decide weather to take this job, I was observing what was going on with freelance benefits and the WTF MTV shirts, and the ridicule of their huge million-dollar yearly holiday party at Hammerstein. You think it's an accident that we were continually paid late every month, every quarter, all year, and now are not even being considered to be paid until after the New Year...Merry Christmas to me! I wonder what the CFOs are up to...

Anyway, so I was writing some random thoughts down in the "About Me" Section of my profile and it turned into this....

I have a few new goals for my life right now...

1) Fiinish the script that I've been writing for years about my brother's and my family's story.


2) See the tokyo "LOVE" statue in Tokyo.


3) Stir some things up, take some chances, make people understand why I am the way I am.

There are more, but those are the ones I thought of writing just now...stay posted...(who wants to help me with any of these? I'm actually broke, but I'm not scared, I'm excited for what's next!

If you don't know my story, it's not necessarily because I don't like to talk about it, it's just something you don't bring up in every day conversation...those closest to me know I'm fine with it. Do some research, find some old articles or news stories about Dustin Stienstra, inmate #6460038 (yep, I have to call my brother by a number).

I grew up in a wonderful family. We had to move around a little bit and in my earliest memories, I look back and I know we were poor, but at the time it didn't matter to me. I loved my family and I still do. My dad busted his ass through college with two kids and I'm extremely proud of him. My mom babysat to help pay the bills, and still cleans houses just to keep herself occupied; she cleaned up after me some, but not too much.

My Dad is an airline pilot for US Airways...formerly America West, based out of Phoenix. He drives to Omaha to fly to work almost weekly so that he never had to put us through another move. He stops in Sioux City weekly to purchase everything our family "needs" at Sam's Club (Costco for 'white' people).

When I was in third grade, someone told my parents I had ADD, they moved me to the Christian School, then I guess at some point we all decided I was ready to go back to public school in seventh grade.

Friends used to write dirty stuff on my books and I go in trouble for it.

I remember getting in fights...and having in-school suspensions. High school was fine I guess...was never "one of the guys" but people liked me, girls thought I was cute (but not datable cute).

In high school I fell into a sport called wrestling that taught me a lot about discipline, but gave me body image issues for years (I think I'm okay now).

My senior year started off perfect (besides the fact that my older brother had had to go through drug treatment, was living somewhere I didn't even know in the town next to me. I could assume he was doing drugs, but there was nothing I could do about it).

I kicked myself for years for not saying something sooner, but you choose to believe the people you love even when you think otherwise (it's like 'the elephant in the closet' as I say; no, not in the room, in the closet).

I dealt with a situation [that no family could ever prepare themselves for very] differently than the rest of my family. I have been in jail with my older brother while he's facing murder charges...I'm sure that wasn't easy on my parents. But I made it through, I pulled myself together and I said, "No, you need some goals, it's time for you to get your **** together, so that's what I set out to do."

I used to fantasize about working for MTV and dream of living in New York, so when I got accepted to NYU but couldn't afford it because the director of my journalism school couldn't understand the concept of helping me (financially with donated funds) go to an amazing school FOR ONE SEMESTER, I kept trying to make it happen and in the process reached out to another Iowa State/Greenlee School/Iowa State Daily Alum named Corey Moss, who referred me to Conor Bezane in NY, another Iowa State Alum, who referred me to someone in HR, who interviewed me and liked me and thought I'd best be placed with News and passed me to Erica Gold who ultimately became my immediate supervisor and placed me with 11 girl interns and 1 guy (yea, awesome!). But being out of my element and learning about myself and another environment and the way people are, etc. was SO exciting for me. Viacom can never take away my experiences.

I realized my love to write because my parents church of the time gave me my first journal as a graduation gift and I gave it a shot...Then a college professor at a community college told me I was good and should look into publishing some of my stuff; that was flattering...worth taking into account. My first year at Iowa State I considered theatre, political science, english, journalism (jlmc - journalsim and mass communication) as possible majors and took classes in each to help me decide. I scored best in theatre and jlmc, so I declared a double major...later I changed my theatre major to a minor and picked up an Entrepreneurial Studies Minor (very good choice).

I took my original GPA from 2.25 to a 3.0 at graduation, an accomplishment I just barely made but found so much pride in. I was the first person from my immediate family to graduate with a 4-year degree...I saw cousins who were the first of their family too, and that encouraged me. Family has always been there, but they haven't always understood me. I'm okay with that. There's always going to be the unknown. It's why I believe in God.

I have basically given the last three years of my life to a corporation called Viacom that I used to hold at very high regard...I now see them laying off people that I look back on and consider mentors. It saddens me to see that there isn't someone stepping up and doing something, but rather passing the blame on to someone else and "waiting till after the holidays." Yes, the $1000 dollars I'm owed right now is a lot of money to me, I'm in a lot of debt, my parents were well off, but they had to put a LOT of money into a family crisis. I did two unpaid internships with MTV News (one on each coast...one in Production, one in PM). I was always given great feedback, met amazing people who I still stay in touch and taught me things I could never learn in school. Every one of them I am grateful for.

But it wasn't just internships, I got to work the VMAs! Yay!...Oh, but I had to do it on my dime...I had to fly myself out, I had to put myself up, take care of transportation, etc. But a couple times, friends who did get put up let me stay in their swank hotels...thanks guys.

And then we've got the Street Team...oh the Street Team, where do I even begin...Such a historic year, an effort associated with a campaign that loves to brag about 'bringing out the youth.' Yeah, the interview on the back of the train with the with the first Bush was pretty cool, one of the first "street teams" sure worked out for Gideon, but what really has MTV done in our digital age to bring out the youth? It's not MTV, it's grassroots, it's amazing campaigns that set up offices near campuses, it's people like me, that told the "untold" story. The untold story that wasn't told.

Great concept...and giving us a bunch of equipment and flying us out to NY and putting us up in the Time and doing all those fun events got everyone SO excited. But go ask the average "MTV Viewer" what the Street Team is, and they have no idea. How sad that one of my friends actually said to me, "So that whole Street Team thing didn't really work out, huh?" What a terrible waste of a medium.

Just so you know, it's all about ratings and loyalty as I have best observed. I've received only a little bit of each. It's hard to get views when you're your own publicist...and shooter...and producer..and editor...and coordinator....I'm trying to think of something we didn't have to do for ourselves without feeling bad about it. Mmm, nope, we were shown a lot of appreciating and excitement as I remember on Super Tuesday (doesn't involve me), the conventions (couldn't go because I flew myself to LA, put myself up, and helped my friend pack his place all night because he was moving and it was the least I could do, showed up late for my "first day" of work, even though I was there the day before ready to go...and had to go pick up my friend from work during the day beccause he let me drive his car because my rental car fell through because for some reason, I was worth paying an extra $15 dollars a day, but I had to get my own rentral car...and it fell through...and I was fired for all the random occurrances of that day...No not fired immediately, and never told I was out of line, but told after working a 15-hour day, as we were walking off the Paramount lot...that was awesome news since I took two weeks off of my Street Team stuff and hired someone else to do my convention reactions while I was gone....but I met a new friend who put me up and I know will again...random story, but I really was never even talked to about anything, just told I was "No longer an employee of the VMAs 2008" (ask me who that quote came from and why...)

And then everything just sort of fizzled away, and none of us have money...none of the vendors owed have money (which means talented individuals who are paid as freelance but treated like they differently than staff...But this year, it effected staff, 850 to be exact. No money...no answers (until maybe January 1)...

So let's get everyone excited about inauguration, they won't even notice...Right, but you sort of left 51 people out...who happen to BE the media...We all notice...we're all broke, but nobody has the balls to ask anymore because nobody at 1515 even knows how to answer questions anymore...I seriously just wonder what the mood's like there, and it makes me not even care that I'm "burning a bridge" as I heard an exec said to someone about me recently (yes, I still talk to people). This bridge is down, I don't want to be on it anymore. The connections I've made, the people that believe in me, will continue to believe in me weather I speak out or not...If I have to be the voice, and that's what I took from journalism school, I'll do it. I've been with you guys for almost three years, I just worked mostly for free and you were all appreciative at one time or another. I never got mine, so now I am.

It's time for me to get mine.