Somewhere a tiny violin is playing for people like me. You know, the economically challenged who did not file taxes last year and will not be getting their hands on that coveted $600 rebate check  the G is sending out to tax-filing citizens. Well, with the fact that rent is due, I am doing laundry once a week to cut down on energy and I have traded my skinny vanilla lattes for plain old tap water, I am left to ask: what unique ways are out there that can either bring me a new source of cash flow or help me win Penny-Pincher of the Year?  With a gallon of gas hitting $4.19 in Illinois today, I am out to make penny-pinching popular. It is time to either start saving or make more money, people, and here are a few interesting ways to make your wallet weigh more…

1) Sell Your Body—Ok, get your mind out of the gutter. I am NOT talking about prostitution. Instead, I am calling out to all you egomaniacs who think putting more of your genes out into the world is the best idea since the invention of indoor plumbing. Sperm banks reward self-gratification with $1 to $45, depending on the swim-ability of your sperm sample. And ladies, don’t think men have all the genetic goods: female egg donation can harvest you up to $10,000 per cycle.

Negatives: The competition is stiff because only 5% of men are suitable sperm donors, and this can bruise an ego. And ladies: needle wimps need not apply.  You have to inject yourself with hormones each day for a month or more to produce excessive amounts of eggs.

2) Stop Pampering your Pet­-Chewy Vuitton purse (Check). Furrcedes bed (Check). Pet Poncho (Check). Growlex Watch (Check). Swarovski crystal collar and leash (Check). Ask yourself, is Fido or your feline financially draining you? If so, it is time to cut back on trying to make your pet the poshest at the park. Sticking to simple bones, regular treats and collars can save you hundreds of dollars. Besides, does FiFi really know the difference? And, consider self-grooming your pet: a quick scrub down in the shower will save you 50 bones.

Negatives: Fido or Fifi may develop an inferiority complex and grow jealous of Paris’s beloved Tinkerbell—the bitch with the best bling!

3) Be the Guinea Pig-Just think -- someone got paid to try out Viagra in a preclinical trial before it was prescribed to the public. Why can’t that someone be you? But if the thought of getting it up is getting you down, remember, researchers pay subjects $100-$2,000, and research trials can range from trying out new deodorants, to testing condoms, to sleep analysis (yes, you get paid to sleep!). Call local universities and hospitals and ask what studies—if any—are being conducted, and if you qualify.

Negatives: You may be treated like and/or feel like a lab rat, literally!

4) Kick Butts-No I am not suggesting you get into a fight or become a vigilante. Instead, kick your cigarette habit to the curb. With cigarettes hitting almost $7 in some states, lighting up is not a financially bright idea. Not to mention, cigarettes are the leading cause of lung cancer and death in the United States. So kick the butts and see a positive boost in your health and wealth!

Negatives: None come to mind.

5) Avoid Dry Clean-Only Clothes-Dry cleaning is expensive. To get dress shirts or sweaters dirt free can cost you $3-$6. Suits, coats and even bed comforters can range from $5-$20. So, if you see a “dry clean only” tag on that designer dud you’re dying to don, remind yourself at the register, this piece of clothing will keep on costing you.

Negatives: Say adios to fancy fabrics and top designers, and hello to cotton a la

Tar-Jey (that’s French for Target).

6) Say Bye-Bye to Name Brands-Is their really a difference between Apple Jacks and Apple Wheels? Target Detergent or Tide? Surprisingly, the answer is no. Most brand name companies are actually the manufacturers of those generic goodies. So, why pay $4 for Toucan Sam when you can pay half the price for Fruity Donuts? Basically, the product is the same, it is just wrapped differently. But if you think this is low-rent, save your brand name boxes and put the generic products in them—to keep up appearances!

Negatives: Your cheap chomps are a dead penny-pincher giveaway.

7) Convert to Freeganism-If you want to minimize your participation in the consumer economy, forgo shopping like Freeganists do. Instead, you can dumpster-dive, curb shop, become a meegan (only eat meat that would have gone to waste) or forage for wild food -- all for $0.

Negatives: Food and other fruitful finds are usually pulled out of trash cans and dumpsters meaning it can be smelly. Also, this is time-consuming.

8) Sell on eBay & Half.com-Ever heard the phrase one man’s junk is another man’s treasure? Quit your pack rat ways and start listing things you don’t use (old clothes, furniture, stuffed animals, etc) on eBay. If two girls can sell a cornflake shaped like Illinois for $1500, what can you sell? Or, quit falling for your bookstore’s trick of giving you 10% of what you paid for your book on return. Hit Half.com and market your book to students nationwide. On average, people get 75% of the original cost they paid for it back! Sure beats the $5 your bookstore is offering, right?

Negatives: EBay has listing fees. Also, items on both sites may never sell.

9) Say Sayonara to Stamps—With USPS stamps hitting 41 cents this year and another rate increase expected in the next 6 months, utilize email and online bill-paying. With most businesses making accounts payable online and friends joining social Web sites like Myspace or Facebook, there is no reason to pay postage fees in our day and age. 

Negatives: It does take electrical energy to use your computer to make correspondence and this could hinder your going-green efforts.