Abstinence is defined as not having any kind of sex (oral, anal or vaginal) and not engaging in any activity that puts you or your partner in contact with either of your bodily fluids (semen, vaginal fluids, and blood). Abstinence is a way to postpone taking the physical and emotional risks that may come with sexual relationships until you feel you are ready to handle them. With perfect use, abstinence is effective in preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. But it only works if you don't have sex of any kind. If you decide to have sex, you will need to choose another method to continue to protect yourself from pregnancy and disease. If you are in a relationship, talk with your partner about your decision to be abstinent and why it is important to you. Even if you have been sexually active before, you can still decide to become abstinent again for any amount of time that is right for you.
Talking about being abstinent can be difficult or awkward. It is very important, however, that you do discuss the issue with your partner. Remember that your definition of being "abstinent" may be different from your partner's definition. The following communication tips may help you when you talk to your partner about abstinence.
- It is impossible for someone to read your mind. Don't expect your partner to magically know what you want.
- Acknowledge that this may be difficult to talk about. Reveal your own level of comfort. For example say, "This isn't easy for me to talk about, but it's something that I've been thinking about a lot."
- Request permission to bring up the topic. Be sensitive to when it may or may not be appropriate to discuss (e.g. not right before an organic chemistry final exam or just as your partner is falling asleep).
- Give your partner permission to say something that might be upsetting to you by allowing him or her to finish talking before you talk. Listen to what your partner is saying before responding.
- Respect your partner's attitudes, values and feelings about sex even though they may be very different from yours.
- Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or coerced into doing or saying something, stop and remove yourself from the situation.