By Chelsea Gulden, Sex, Etc.

I never talked about sex with my parents when I was growing up, and they never talked about it with me. I knew I could get pregnant, so I would have to be careful and watch for missed periods. But sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), like HIV, never even crossed my mind.

June 27 is National HIV Testing Day, a day sponsored by the National Association of People with AIDS to encourage early diagnosis and routine testing for HIV/AIDS. When I was a teenager, I would never have thought to get tested because I wasn't selling my body, sleeping around or using drugs. But in 2005, 71 percent of women diagnosed with AIDS in the United States got HIV from heterosexual sex, according to the Centers for Disease Control. No one thinks it could happen to them, and neither did I.

I found out I was HIV positive in 2003.

Putting My Life in Someone Else's Hands

Between my junior and senior year of high school, I met a man. I was convinced that he was the one for me. After graduating from high school in 2000, we lived together like a couple for the next three years.

I was attending college, too, but I wasn't living the college life. I didn't make those friends that I would have for the rest of my life. I didn't join a sorority. I didn't go to parties. I just worked to keep the bills paid, went to school and played wifey. I realize now that I hadn't taken the time to get to know myself and what it takes to love and care for myself.

Testing and More Testing

I thought I had found the love of my life and would never be with anyone else. So, my boyfriend and I never used protection. As our relationship began to fall apart I was told by a mutual friend that my boyfriend had been cheating on me. I felt so betrayed and hurt. I went to my doctor to get tested for everything, and I told my boyfriend he should get tested, too.

A couple of weeks later, my boyfriend still hadn't been tested, so we went together to the local health department. I don't like needles, so I wasn't going to be tested for HIV again. But when my boyfriend heard that I wasn't going to be tested, he said he didn't need to be tested either. So I got tested again, and he agreed to get tested as well. After I walked out of the clinic, I forgot about HIV.

Several weeks passed, and my boyfriend and I broke up. He moved in with his grandmother, but we remained friends. I was hanging out with him when we rode by his house and noticed a note on the door. The note included a number to call. He called the number back. The man on the other end of the line said he was still in the neighborhood and that he would be right there. We waited not knowing what was about to happen. When the man got there, he asked to speak with my ex in private. My ex looked at him, and then he looked at me. My ex told the man that anything he had to say could be said in front of me. So the man looked at me and asked me my name. I told him Chelsea Gulden, and he told me to pull up a seat. "I've been looking for you, too," he said. He proceeded to tell us we had both tested positive for HIV. My heart sank.

Accepting the Results

My mind was whirling. All I could think was positive for HIV? I just turned 21. I'm about to graduate college and I'm WHAT? I'm tainted; I'm dirty. My life is just starting, and now it's over.

I went back to my personal doctor and asked why he didn't contact me with the results of my HIV test. "You tested negative for us," he replied, and a glimmer of hope entered my soul.

The doctor said he was going to run some tests. He came back in the room and told me I was five weeks pregnant. OK, I thought. I might be able to handle being pregnant, but what about the HIV? The doctor told me he would run another HIV test later, and I said, "No, I need to know now." HIV was finally real to me. I started to bargain with God. Please let it be negative; I promise I'll never have sex again. The second test came back positive.

I called my mother. This was the most difficult conversation I ever had with her. Throughout high school, I always dreaded the "safe sex talk," but now I was wishing we had had that discussion. Maybe then I wouldn't be telling her I was pregnant and HIV positive one year before graduating college. I could hear the hurt and shame in her voice. She called me a "ho" and a "slut," and that's how I felt. I wanted to go in the corner and die. But I had a child growing inside me, who would become my angel.

Every time I thought about being HIV positive I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't because of my unborn child."

I had my son in April of 2004, and I graduated college in May 2004. I had treatment to prevent HIV from being passed to my son; he is not HIV positive. He is three years old, and he's still my inspiration. He gives me the strength to get through not only being positive but also life's struggles.

Love and Protect Your Body

Sometimes I still feel like that dirty person with HIV, but I know just because I was sexually active doesn't make me a bad person. At the same time, since I was having sex, I should have taken the responsibility to love and protect my body with a latex or polyurethane condom. No one will ever love me and my body as much as I do.

So, on National HIV Testing Day, the answer for you is easy: Use a condom each and every time you have sex and get tested. Shame and embarrassment kept me from buying condoms; I didn't want the store clerk to look at me funny because I was a teenager. Getting tested is important because early diagnosis can help you live longer. Even though I have HIV, I still love my life and myself.

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